Monday, November 16, 2009

Not getting my moneys worth

Well last week the Boss calls me into his boss's office. and gives me the wonderful news that
I will not be getting a raise this year... Seems my salary is maxed out, in my pay grade level.
He will talk to his boss about it and let me know...
Well that was a week ago and still nothing...
We all got pulled in... separately to be told of our pay raises. Again I was told that I will not get anything...
The Boss seemed to give excuses about "HR should have caught this"... I wish I can give you something but me hands are tied... the system wont let me do it.

well.. It seems that I was the only one not getting a raise... Seems they don't like the token Gay person in their department. .. or in my opinion... someone upstairs has it out for me... and I can only thing of a couple of Alpha males that would be ass holes enough to do it...
so I'll stew for a while... I'll ignore attempts from the group to goto the coffee urn like a bunch of lemmings.

It's not fair that I have to bust my ass at this job, while I see others blatenly kiss my bosses ass.

I am in the bare minimum nice mode for the rest of the year...

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Deciding to do it another way

When you drop a stone in the water, it creates a ripple in the water. That ripple spreads out in all directions.
Each of those ripples is an issue that gets created and spreads out over your life. Little did I know that the ripples remain... though they get smaller, each ripple of an event can last a long time. So... I cast myself into the water, and created a ripple effect. More of my ripple effect later...

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Leaving holes in the Postings

Having a mind like cheddar cheeze... one hole may take you to another hole, and you can get through the cheeze... most times a hole goes nowhere. It's just a hole

Sometimes... or maybe all of the time, I banter on topics, and I do not move fluidly thru them.
Please xcuse the choppiness of the post.


I think faster then I type, and tangents run rampant thru the head.

...and you would think an Aquarius would be of fluid thought... or do you call that water on the brain?

Coming out to the band.

I've gigged a few times with some other gay performers. There's something going on behind the scenes with these bands that I don't understand... but I think it's "drama"... but first... lets go back for a moment...

I've been in "bands", "Projects", "jams".
Started right out of High School... going "Full Time" for 18 months . Then after that was the wedding band.
I miss the wedding band that consumed me for 30 years.
The players were all great. We had enough gigs that we had to turn many down.
After I told the band of me coming out, the band split up.... "supposedly".
Then after about 18 months, I got a call from the drummer asking me if I knew any Bass Players?
He had the fuckin balls to tell me the band is back together, and they were desparate for a bassist.
I hung up on him.
I found out who the guitarist was. It was my "Sub"... the guy who took my place when I was sick, or out of town.

So now I have to re-image myself all over again to a new market... Tough to do in a market. how many gay "musicians" do you know?
Elton John... Melissa Ethridge... keep going... .... ....
Maybe it's my attitide... a little bitter...
I try hard at auditions to do well. I've nailed 4 straight auditions in a row.
To me it's like riding a bicycle. It's not hard... the hardest part is knowing the style their looking for.
I can ride a bike, tho I do not do "Stunts". I'm not an agressive cyclist. I just ride, keeping up the pace... pass when I can... stop like I'm supposed to... just like playing a guitar.
I'm not a "Stunt" player... I'm not agressive... I don't "Shred" I dont play like "Vai" or Satch".
I just play and I think well for most "Pop" gigging situations.
I can't audition for everyone... sorry... my age prevents me... If I was 30 again, I'd be be knocking on many doors.
When you're over the big 5...0.... your chances for work is very slim... just like in the real world... sigh...

Being a regular gigging musician for 3 decades was one of my all time favorites.
Having a bad gig was better then a good day at work.
I'm not counting working at the music store for 2 years... but gigging was and is allways the best.
.... Of course I was straight all that time.....
even being out... it's the greatest...

To kiss ass or not to kiss ass

You've heard of the phrase..." You never get a second chance to make a good first impression."

That's as far as I get when it comes to kissing ass.
Let me clarify... kissing ass at work. Kiss once and that's it. Kiss ass at the interview.

Since coming out at work, I've stopped kissing ass in general.
I've kissed a few asses in my time at some work places, but I'm giving up that "vice".
Just like smoking, drinking to excess, drugs, playing the lottery, cheap tomales, veal, and sausage.

Now I just do the job and shut the fuck up. Other people in my department kiss my bosses ass.
Not me. I'm through with that.

Considering you spend a third of yout life sleeping, a third at work, and the remainder dealing with society, waiting in lines, maintaining a relationship with someone special, I have no time to kiss ass.

Being the only GBLT at work, makes for a lonely social work life. So... what's so social at work?... you may ask? They are not paying you to be social at work. Work is fucking work. If you dont believe me, ask my boss. Just because I'm out, doesn't mean I have to kiss ass all over again. Like kissing my bosses ass again?

Well friends, stop and think about the token gay person, the one who before they decided to come out, had a boat load of people who knew you, said " Hi "...
Now they dont give you the fuckin time of day.
You want me to kiss their ass?
Nothing has changed... only my happiness of who I am inside.
Work is no longer happy, so sorry... no ass kissy for you.

Start with everything and end up loosing it all...

"Everything" ...being a 26 Yr marriage and 3 kids.

Playing in a band for 30 years.

Having friends, house, just about anything you could want ... then... "Poof"...

That's what happens when you decide to come out of the closet.

The 'ex' saids you have to leave, the oldest child tells you to "Goto Hell", another one must think it's a big fuckin joke, and the 3rd seems to not care, but I think it's a matter of being more confused then anything else.

26 Years ago, I thought that getting married would fix all that.
Oops, that didnt work. so it takes 25 years to finally admit that.
The problem with that, is the others in your life that you grew to love are now gone, feeling totally betrayed in your decision to be someone that was hidden from them.

I look back on this 2 years after the divorce. None of the children communicate with me. The 'Ex" only emails when there is something about $$$.

I've moved on the best I can. I'm sure they tried to also.

You learn to separate a few things about your life and the relationship with your family.
Lets see if some child on the other side makes a move to say hello.
I'll post it when it happens...zzz...zzz...zzz... it will be like watching paint dry.